What Does Forgiveness Look Like To You???

A couple of days ago I felt what it really felt like to forgive and really mean it…
A couple of months ago I can’t say that I felt that way.  A person that I thought was a friend turned out not to be. I thought the relationship was going to lifelong but it turned out to be only for a season. 
Although things didn’t turn out like I would have liked, it taught me a lot

I learned how to handle conflict. I haven’t always known how to talk to people when I’m angry. In this particular situation, I got on the spot training!!!
I thank God for being able to be honest and really ask the questions that were on my heart. Not only that, I learned that people will only do what you allow.  And in this particular case all parties involved learned that I don’t tolerate disrepect and disregard for people.
For me I always thought that forgiveness was automatic b/c that’s what Jesus did and as a Christian that’s what I’m supposed to do. 
But in this instance, it wasn’t automatic for me. Opening myself up to people, welcoming them into my home and my family is something that I take seriously.  And when I felt

that it all

was disregarded, it was hard for me digest.
I had a hard time even mentioning

the person w/o feeling like I wanted to sock ’em (just being real lol). 

I rehashed the event mentally more times than I can even count.
I prayed about it. I mean really told God how I felt…the good, bad and the ungodly. And the words that the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart were unexpected… “she doesn’t know”.

At first this was hard for me to accept. I tried to reason it out w/all the things that I thought best justified the situation. But honestly, none of it really mattered. We, people, do what we know to do. Unfortunately, what we choose to do isn’t always right. I’ve don’t it.  So who am I to be mad at someone for being…who they are???
In the end, I knew that I had forgiven when I was able to pray for her w/o thinking of what happened previously.  I knew that I was ok when I genuinely wanted to help her b/c what’s she going through now, I’ve overcome.
So…what does forgiveness look like to you???

How Authentic Are You???

For the past few months I’ve been doing something that has been almost nonexistent most of my life…focusing on me.
Not in the selfish, materialistic, narcissitic way. But in a real, God centered way…
I’ve just been taking the time to really examine myself, my motives, how I really feel about things and myself. 
I’ll be the first to admit, I haven’t always lived an authentic life (gasp :o)).
Before I met Jesus (lol), I wasn’t very confident. So, I tried to cover my insecurities by what I wore and what type of handbag I carried. I’ve always had a quiet demeanor and a sometimes a way too serious facial expression…so a lot of times I was just mean.  I didn’t have to say a lot b/c the looks I could give would say it all…
Then once I received Christ, I wanted all that to change.  So, instead of truly focusing on God and what it says about me, I just tried to be what I thought people thought I should be. And after awhile pretending gets exhausting!!! My life, my decisions were soley based out of fear of what people would say or think about me if I didn’t meet their standards.
This fear caused me to “dumb” a lot of things down in my life and then try to pretend to be this extrovert of a person that wasn’t really me.
I dressed very homely (which is ok if that’s your personality!!!). And that has never been me.  I’ve always liked really nice things that had a contempary flair. But for a few years I wore the plainest clothes I could find b/c I didn’t want people to think that “I wasn’t saved”.
I grew my hair out…I’ve always loved my hair shorter and for me it is easier for me to maintain and to be honest I look really cute w/short hair (lol).  I did it b/c I didn’t want to be rebuked for having short hair, and cutting off all my glory (thank God I’m delivered!! Lol).
I didn’t go too many places that wasn’t church related b/c I didn’t want to blend in w/the world. I honestly questioned my relationship w/God if I missed a church service!
I even stopped writing as much b/c I didn’t feel like it meant a lot….
By no means am I blaming others for my former insecurities. I realize that I didn’t know how much God loved me and that He took the time to make me the person that I am…He knew everything about me a long time ago and He declared that His work (me)is wonderful.I was trying to hard to be this person that always said and did things that pleased everybody.  I’ve come to the realization that I won’t be able to please every person in my life…and I’m ok w/that; as long as my DaddyGod is pleased w/me, I’m good!!!
I’ve learned that being quiet isn’t a bad thing!! I’m observant and discerning. In those moments when I’m just listening to people around me, a lot of times the Holy Spirit gives me the prayer to pray for particular individuals. I’ve also learned to just be me! I’m quiet but socialable. I love get to know people, so I ask questions- I like to hear about their lives! And I’m confident that God works through my particular personality. I don’t have to try to be someone I’m not.
This journey hasn’t been easy but its been life changing. It feels good to feel good about me! Yeah I’ve gotten the side eye from some but being confident about who I am in God is the best.
More than anything I appreciate authenticity. Being who you are and loving the person God created you to be, w/o regard to the opinions of others is a blessing!! It is freeing! I’ve come to realize that I can’t live off of anyone’s love except Jesus. He’s the only one I strive to please now:o)
I can honestly say that I’m living Authentically now…what about you??

What’s Your Perspective?

More than anything, I’ve been focusing on my PERSPECTIVE. My goal has been to keep a God centered/positive perspective no matter what. While I may not have everything that I want, God has provided all that I need…
While I was volunteering at a local pregnancy center this week, I took on a “grateful” perspective.  A client came in in need of everything. Her nephew had just left his daughter with her b/c him and his girlfriend “didn’t want a baby anymore”. They left their child w/ 3 diapers and 4 sleepers.  Although this woman was going through a lot her perspective was to be admired.  She was thankful. Thankful for the baby being w/ her and not being hurt.  Thankful that the pregnancy center was able to help her w/ some of her immediate needs.
The perspective that we choose to exhibit is totally up to us. It’s kinda like the cartoon I’ve always seen as a kid w/ the person having an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other…you can choose to look at things from God’s eyes or the Satan’s. The choice is yours.
Frankly, I choose God. No matter what I’m going through, God is always there and there is always hope that things will get better. Yes, times may be hard and our circumstances may seem to be horrible but God is always there to be our comfort and to teach us how to be the Christ-follower that we proclaim to be.
You’ll never know how strong the tea is until you summerge it in hot water, right?
So don’t be afraid of tough times. Look at them as the tests for your testimony! Let the trials of life bring you to a place of authenticity in your faith and cause you to be thankful for all that God has given you already!
Your perspective determines your attitude, outcome, words, thoughts and actions…it’s just that important!
I choose a God-centered perspective…what about you?

Birthdays Mean More To Me Than You Will Ever Know….

Monday was our twins birthday (they turned two…terrific two’s I might add:o))!! And like most parents, I am estactic!
Happy that they are a year older and ready for all the new adventures that come along w/their age…
I’m also excited b/c at one point in my life I never thought that I would be celebrating my own children’s birthday…let alone twins.
About seven years ago, I had a miscariage. I was told that I wouldn’t be able to carry children fullterm b/c my cervix was too weak.  The doctor said my body didn’t react to pregnancy the way most women did.  Instead of nurturing and providing for the child, my body did the complete opposite as if the child was a foreign object…and this was probably due to the two abortions I had earlier on….
But seven years, a personal relationship w/God, a husband and three beautiful children later….I must say my kiddies birthdays mean so much to me.  Their birthdays remind me God’s grace, love, restoration and healing…
What do birthdays mean to you?

What’s Your Reaction???

image

Yesterday was quite a day!!! First off, I had a total of five kiddies and our baby girl Ashlynn wasn’t feeling a 100%.
She got up and was quiet, tired, and a little warm.  By 10am she was napping.  She woke up close to 1pm and she wasn’t looking too good.  Her eyes were glossy and she seemed to be in a zone. 
Since my sister had came by to bring the kids lunch, I decided that I was going to take her to Urgent Care.  As soon as I picked her up, her entire body started shaking and she began foaming at the mouth.
I yelled for my sis (she’s a nurse) and she took her laid her on her side and started checking her stats. Then she had another seizure…by this time I was on the phone w/911.
By time the ambulance came, Ashlynn had a total ofthree seizures and the paramedics said that they wanted to transport her to the hospital due to her vitals being low.
As all this was going on, I remember praying and pleading the blood of Jesus over Ashlynn. I declared that everything concerning her health would function perfectly.
To make a long story short…the seizures were caused by her temperature rising so quickly and in turn it caused her body to go into shock.
Although this experience was scary, I seen/learned firsthand how important depending on God and His Word is. The situation may look one way, but the Word says that “by His wounds you have been healed (1 Pet.3:2).  God is bigger than any situation or circumstance.
When adversity comes…what’s you reaction…fear or faith?

What’s Your Love Like???

Today as my family and I celebrate Memorial Day, I’ve been thinking a lot about…love. What does love look like, act like, feel like, speak like? 
Over the past couple of weeks, I can honestly say that my Love has been tested…and in a few areas I didn’t pass the test.  Not that I cursed someone out or punched them in the eye, but my thoughts toward them were less than pure (to say the least).
I found myself thinking about what I should have said and how I would act if this or that happened.  Can I be totally transparent? These thoughts took up a lot of my time b/c I gave them residence in my thought life.
Finally, I prayed and just had a real talk w/my DaddyGod. It wasn’t  a prayer w/a lot of “thee and thou’s”.  It was just me pouring my heart out to God and telling Him how I felt and what was really bothering me about the situation.
In the end, I ended up asking God to “create a clean heart in me and renew a right spirit w/in me”.
I learned a valuable lesson: Love looks like, acts like, talks like God no matter what the situation or how people act.
So, if God’s love is real, consistent, forgiving, honest, respectful, and does things in order, why shouldn’t I, if I’m His daughter and made in His image?
I’ve learned what my love is supposed to look like and I’m striving toward toward it every minute of the the day.
So what about you…what does your love look like???

Do You Live w/Integrity…..daily?

Earlier this week, I was picking up my daughter from school and I heard a statement that rang sooooo loud in my heart “Integrity is to be who you say you are”……
Whoa!!!! This simple statement blessed my socks off b/c it made me think.
It made me think about me and my walk w/ Christ. It made me evaluate me…..the ME no one sees, the ME that reacts when things don’t go as planned, the ME that over analyzes, the ME that still needs perfecting...
To be a Christian means more than going to church and using religious terms. It means growth, revelation, truth,living a life of love, prayer, humility, discernment…..it means to be an imitator of God…not just on Sunday or when we are around certain people.  It’s everyday, all day.
My prayer for everyone reading my blog is for you to live a life that is worthy to be called Christ-like. 
So my question to you is….are you living w/ integrity daily?

Call Those Things That Are Not…….

Today my hubby and I had a meeting at our oldest daughter’s school…in a few months she’ll be a kindergardener and the twins will be in the two-year old class! (Woohoo!!! This mama will have at least 9 hrs w/no kiddies during the week come Sept.!)
Our main reason for the meeting was to find out if there are any schloarships available for next year…we want all of our kids to go to school together, which can get expensive (but well worth it).  But to my amazement, God had a different plan for this meeting!
At the start of the meeting, my husband asked the Director if we could pray before we got started and she said of course. This one act of obedience to pray gave birth to something that God wants put into action…
Instead of addressing the schlorships, we found out that one of the main needs in the school was for a parent to head up prayer once a week for the school/students/families/staff.
So, guess who’s been up at night praying for children and parents?  If you said me….you’re correct!  Guess who felt so much of an unction from God about this prayer? If you said me again….ding, ding!!! You’re right!
Although I went to my daughter’s school with one thing in mind, God had something else in mind..something bigger.
The moral is to keep an open mind and be receptive to the Spirit of God.
God has called me to intercede for this school and these families…therefore I’m completely persuaded that my DaddyGod will take care of the rest.
So I’ll continue to pray and”call those things that are not as though they were (Rom. 4:17, NIV)” on a bigger scale.  Not only for my family, but also for the children/families at my daughter’s school…part of God’s awesome plan!!!

It’s my Anniversary!!!

Today is my anniversary……I have been married for 6 years (to a great man I might add :0))!!! And throughout it all, I have learned a lot. If I told you that our marriage has been “peachy” 100 % of the time I wouldnt be telling you the truth. We’ve had our rough spots (especially our first year) and when we were going through those times mentally, I was packing my bags (lol, I couldn’t have been the only one right???).
But in my heart I pondered on the moment that I knew that my hubby was my God given hubby. 
So even when I wanted to throw in the towel the Holy Spirit always took me back to that moment at the altar when I knew God spoke to my heart that the very man I’m kneeling in prayer with was the very man that was hand picked especially for me by my DaddyGod……
So here are six lessons I’ve learned through marriage…enjoy!

1. Wholeness can only come from God through Jesus.
I thought that getting married would give me the sense of wholeness I always felt I was missing. I learned that I received that wholeness when I received Jesus and I experienced/lived in that wholeness once I gave my all to God and sought Him wholeheartedly.

2.  Communication is essential.
Holding all over your issues inside doesn’t help anyone. Eventually they will come out an most likely it will be the wrong time and in the wrong attitude (trust me I know!). Talk things out in a respectable manner. Even if you have to write it down and practice in the mirror!

3.  Have a vision for yourself and your marriage.
This is a must! Even before you get married talk to your mate about what you, and more importantly God,want your union to represent. Go into prayer and ask God to give you a vision and a family mission for your marriage.

4.  Don’t dwell on what your mate did wrong, think on your  response.
It’s easy to constantly think on what the other person said or did wrong but what about your response? Everytime my husband and I got into a disagreement the Holy Spirit never corrected me about what my husband did or said, it was always about my response.  The only person that you can change or control is you…….

5.  Be the change that you want in your relationship.
Whatever you want to be better, BE that change. If it’s better communication, talk openly, honestly, and in love.  If it’s romance, be romantic.  Whatever it is….Just BE!!!

6. Do all things in love.
Everything has to be done in love and w/the right atitude. If not resentment will set in and you’ll keep in running tab,mentally, on all of your “deeds”.

I hope that at least one of these steps inspire someone in their marriage today! Miracles&Blessings!

Women…….How’s Your Prayer Life?!?!

Yesterday church was amazing! I don’t remember too much about praise and worship and honestly everything leading up to the Word was a blur…..
What I do remember was awesome. It was about women and prayer. My Pastor talked about how we as women can’t be so busy with our family, school, work, or whatever it is that takes us a lot of our time, to pray.
Relationship with God is our foundation. What type of relationship do you have w/someone that you rarely talk too or when you do talk to them, your conversation is rushed and lacks your full attention? Strained, uneventful, nonexistent-my point exactly!
I implore you as women (and myself too) to take time to pray.  If it means getting up an hour earlier before the kids and everyone else (all I can say to this is Amen and…..ouch:0)), let’s sacrifice the time to cover ourselves, families, communities, friends, daily activities in prayer. Our Father longs to hear from us……..are you up for the challenge? I am!