For the past few months I’ve been doing something that has been almost nonexistent most of my life…focusing on me.
Not in the selfish, materialistic, narcissitic way. But in a real, God centered way…
I’ve just been taking the time to really examine myself, my motives, how I really feel about things and myself. 
I’ll be the first to admit, I haven’t always lived an authentic life (gasp :o)).
Before I met Jesus (lol), I wasn’t very confident. So, I tried to cover my insecurities by what I wore and what type of handbag I carried. I’ve always had a quiet demeanor and a sometimes a way too serious facial expression…so a lot of times I was just mean.  I didn’t have to say a lot b/c the looks I could give would say it all…
Then once I received Christ, I wanted all that to change.  So, instead of truly focusing on God and what it says about me, I just tried to be what I thought people thought I should be. And after awhile pretending gets exhausting!!! My life, my decisions were soley based out of fear of what people would say or think about me if I didn’t meet their standards.
This fear caused me to “dumb” a lot of things down in my life and then try to pretend to be this extrovert of a person that wasn’t really me.
I dressed very homely (which is ok if that’s your personality!!!). And that has never been me.  I’ve always liked really nice things that had a contempary flair. But for a few years I wore the plainest clothes I could find b/c I didn’t want people to think that “I wasn’t saved”.
I grew my hair out…I’ve always loved my hair shorter and for me it is easier for me to maintain and to be honest I look really cute w/short hair (lol).  I did it b/c I didn’t want to be rebuked for having short hair, and cutting off all my glory (thank God I’m delivered!! Lol).
I didn’t go too many places that wasn’t church related b/c I didn’t want to blend in w/the world. I honestly questioned my relationship w/God if I missed a church service!
I even stopped writing as much b/c I didn’t feel like it meant a lot….
By no means am I blaming others for my former insecurities. I realize that I didn’t know how much God loved me and that He took the time to make me the person that I am…He knew everything about me a long time ago and He declared that His work (me)is wonderful.I was trying to hard to be this person that always said and did things that pleased everybody.  I’ve come to the realization that I won’t be able to please every person in my life…and I’m ok w/that; as long as my DaddyGod is pleased w/me, I’m good!!!
I’ve learned that being quiet isn’t a bad thing!! I’m observant and discerning. In those moments when I’m just listening to people around me, a lot of times the Holy Spirit gives me the prayer to pray for particular individuals. I’ve also learned to just be me! I’m quiet but socialable. I love get to know people, so I ask questions- I like to hear about their lives! And I’m confident that God works through my particular personality. I don’t have to try to be someone I’m not.
This journey hasn’t been easy but its been life changing. It feels good to feel good about me! Yeah I’ve gotten the side eye from some but being confident about who I am in God is the best.
More than anything I appreciate authenticity. Being who you are and loving the person God created you to be, w/o regard to the opinions of others is a blessing!! It is freeing! I’ve come to realize that I can’t live off of anyone’s love except Jesus. He’s the only one I strive to please now:o)
I can honestly say that I’m living Authentically now…what about you??