It’s Time…

It’s that time…for years I wasn’t ready. And couldnt fathom making the decision.  I thought about it. Contemplated. But back then, ultimately I wasn’t ready. 

But now it’s a new day. I’m ready. Ready for what you ask? Ready to get my tubes tied…yeah, almost 6 kids later I’m sure. I’m sure that I’m good on having more children. I’m 37 years old and my baby making days are over. If God saw fit, I would definitely take in more babies, children through adoption and foster care. But as far as me carrying another human…I’m good. My body is so done with those days. This wasn’t the worse pregnancy but I just know that I can’t do it again…

So here’s my advice to any woman who wants to know when do you know if you’re ready…you just know. Nobody can tell you when, it’s just something you know deep within you. So whether it’s 2 babies in or 20, do what you know is best for you❤❤❤🤰🏾

It’s Getting Real…

Time is winding up…sometime next week I’ll be giving birth to our baby boy. The last of the crew (I think, unless we adopt more babies😊). 

We will be a family of 8. Myself, my husband, 11 y/o daughter, 8 y/o boy/girl twins, 4 y/o son, 9 month old son (we are doing kinship and now have temporary custody) and then a newborn…for the most part, I think I haven’t really taken in the fact that we will have 6 kids. I’ve said it. But now it’s really just sinking in. The logistics of having 6 children is starting to settle in mentally. And the qusetions are starting to swirl arpund in my head: Do we need a conversion van? How am I going schedule cooking, cleaning and make sure kids are well prepared for school? Visitation with baby boy? I’ll be home with our 4 y/o and two babies…yes, I’ve done it before bc we have twins. But having a young toddler and a newborn is all new territory. I’m sure I’ll have days where I’m beasting it…schedule on point, meals prepped, clean and happy babies and house smelling good and intact. I’m also sure that there will be days when the exhaustion will be real, babies will be testy, no meal in sight and put house will look like a tornado has ran through it.  

So before the start of it all, I’m thanking God for grace. GRACE to be the best wife and mother that I can be. GRACE to maintain peace and love in our home. GRACE to say no. GRACE to rest when needed. 

GRACE. GRACE. GRACE. That’s my focus…

What Are You Talking About?????

I had a convo today that still has me thinking…

I stopped by a friend’s house spur of the moment, just to say hey and catch up. Of course we started out with what’s been going on with our families, homes and everything in between. But it ended with us being able to speak about our dreams and what it is we would like to do to help others… and that’s the part that stuck with me. Have a positive convo today. Not just about all that is going, how people are doing but talk about something you’re working on, something that causes you to think outside of where you are right now…have a convo that pushes, motivates, you to think on a higher level!!!!

With Life Comes Disappointments…

Disappointments can be crushing. 

Life altering. Even paralyzing. 

But without a doubt disappointments are a part of life. Most times you cant avoid them. Can’t deny them. Cant forget how they made you feel. 

But I am learning. Disappointments don’t have to take my voice, my confidence, my hope…there’s absolutely nothing wrong with putting a voice to them and making them known to the person who dispersed them. Disappointments don’t have to be buried and tucked away never to to be heard from. They can be talked about. Explained. Discussed. Forgiven. Unraveled. Logged but not permanently tattooed in your memory.
Disappointments will more than likely keep coming. But they don’t have to negatively alter our attitudes or harden our hearts…hopefully they will cause us to grow and become better. 

The Next Step…

 I read something that designated deep within me today…”Sometimes the smallest steps are actually the biggest”. This rang true to me for a few reasons 1)a friend of mine is always preaching/living this…just do the next thing. 2)Im getting older. In about a month I’ll be 37 years young with 6 children. Entering a different phase in life and wondering/questioning what’s next? How can I use my gifts to help others? 3)I’ve been one to try to measure myself by others and if I’m being quite honest feeling like man, what can I do when so many others are doing such big, grand things??!

So, as I’m hoping to encourage you- I’m encouraging myself. Just do what’s next; no matter how small. If it’s start a blog-write your first post. If it’s loving a women-invite a few ladies to your home for dinner. If it’s being an author- start writing. If it’s being more organized- make plans for today. 

Whatever it is-just take the next step…I’m stepping right with you!!!👠👠👟👟👢

Dear Mama…

I was reading a blog post yesterday that so hit home. It was talking about black motherhood and how many times there are layers upon layers of things that play key factors into causing mothers to not be the parents they once were or would like to be. In this particular post it was instability, lack of finances and a husband/father with a drug addiction.

This was relatable bc I was once a part of that scenario. However for the longest time, I didn’t see my mother through the eyes of grace. I saw all of what I thought that I didnt get growing up. 

I didn’t factor in that she had her first child at 18 and was the mother of 3 by the time she was 23. I didnt consider the fact that the abuse that she suffered at the hands of my father more than likely caused depression and emptiness. I didnt see that her loosing her mother at the tender age of 12, then playing a key part in raising her other siblings and not having a good relationship with her step-mother probably shaped the way in which she interacted with others. Or the simple fact that she had been through so much by the time she had me at 28…honestly she was understandably worn out by life in just about every way. 

I didn’t give my mother enough credit.  All that she went through was rough and more than I could take but she survived. There wasn’t a time when I didn’t have a roof over my head or where she wasn’t employed. My needs were met and she stayed. I wasn’t in the system and she made sure that my niece wasn’t either. I always held a place of resentment in my heart from her making me have an abortion at 14 years old…never thinking that she made that decision bc she knew what being a teenage mom looked like and she saw something more in me. She never spoke bad about my father (when she could have) and always let me make my own decision about having a relationship with him. 

Depression. Addiction. Lack of childhood.  No one to really model/teach about womanhood and motherhood. Singleness. Being the only Provider. Crushing Memories. Unrecognized Feelings of Agony, Grief, Pain, and Abuse. 

Dear Mama…I wish I could tell you I see your pain. I recognize your strength. And that grace covers it all. 

Marriage…Existing or Thriving???

One of the things that I enjoy about my marriage is that I really like my husband…we talk. Laugh. Dream. Work together. Love. 

I never grew up seeing thriving marriages. I seen people just together. No passion. No affection. No unity. Just together. Basically roommates. On the flip side, I seen others who wanted people to think that they had the best relationship ever. Only to realize that it was all a charade and that they were just like, or worse off, than the others. 

Our marriage hasnt always been solid. Our first few years were really rocky and honestly I mentally packed my bags more times than I can count. But 12 years in, the one thing that I realize is that our relationship is just that…our relationship. No comparing to others, it just won’t match up. I’ve also come to know that it’s my priviledge to fully support my hubby and vice versa. Sometimes that will mean not being able to do what others expect me too. Or even clearing out my schedule for a few hours to help put wherever I’m needed. Whatever the case, Ive seen/experienced tremendous growth since I have made it my priority to be all in. We’ve gotten closer and saying that he’s my best friend isnt just another cute phrase…it is the truth. And it carries weight.

So, if I could give any advice to another married couple, I would say position yourselves to thrive in your marriage. Date. Converse. Love Strong. Support One Another. Make Love. Kiss. Dream Together. Have Belly Laughs…dont just coexist. 

Grow Individually Together.

Balance…Is It Possible?!?

Over the past week or so, I’ve been thinking alot about balance. 

Is there any such thing?

We have been pretty productive during this season. 

Marriage. 4.5 Children + 1 Bonus Baby (through foster care). Home Manager. Working Part-time. 

Honestly, there isnt a lot of me time. I love the idea of self-care but when the rubber hits the road, I have to make the best of our situation. While I would love to go get a pedicure and spend some time alone, honestly I have loads of laundry that need to be washed, dryed and folded so the best that I can do is listen to one of my favorite podcast and read a chapter in a book while I wait for my children at baseball practice.

I know it won’t always be like this but for right now I have to grab the moments when and where I can. So to all my mommy friends, take the little moments until the big ones are available. 

GRACE…

If I could sum up what I’ve been learning since the end of 2016, it has to be GRACE.  There has been so much going on and so much that I wanted to change, but throughout it, all I keep hearing the word GRACE

Have GRACE toward people and their circumstances

Be full of GRACE even when I have every right to be upset

Speak GRACE over others name

Show GRACE when others are inconsiderate 

Pray God’s GRACE over the lives of others insted of His judgement

Has this season been hard? ABSOLUTELY 

Am I tired? MOST DAYS

Do I ever feel doubtful or upset? YES

How do I keep going? BY RECEIVING THE SAME GRACE THAT GOD HAS ASKED ME TO EXTEND TO OTHERS

Even when it’s hard, you feel uncertain and you dont know how it all will turn out…Ask God for grace- for you to give as well as receive❤❤❤

A Prayer for my Fellow Mama’s…

I pray that on today your Mama heart is filled with peace, love, joy and grace. I pray that as you enter into a new week you give yourself room to grow and become better.

I pray that your patience is renewed and that even in the not so good moments, that you see the hearts of your children and speak life. 

I pray that you take the time to do something just for you, even if it’s just getting coffee by yourself.

I pray that you intentionally send your babies to school knowing that you love them and that you believe that they will achieve great things in life.

I pray that your marriage is blessed. And that you spend time with your husband, praying for him and adding value to your relationship.

Above all, I pray that as a Mama and a beautiful woman, you know that you are significant and Gos made no mistakes creating you…

❤❤❤❤