About two months ago, my husband and I decided that it was time for us to leave our church. This decision seemed to come out of the blue for some, but for us it was a gut feeling that had been present for awhile but never acted upon.
This was a very hard decision to make. We had been at our church for a little over ten years for me, and my husband for almost twelve. To be honest it was scary…for so long we had been used to being in one place with our family and now to do something different was life changing.
What would we do? Where would we go? What would people say?
These were just some of the questions swirling around my head…this was major! But we knew that leaving was what we were being lead to do and we wanted to do so in the most respectful way possible. This was the place my husband and I met and were married, our children were born into and the family that helped me deal with the deaths of both of my parents, but most importantly this was the place where my true relationship with God was cultivated…so leaving was anything but easy.
There was no anger, no offenses, no bad blood…just the tugging that it was time to do something else, be somewhere else, see something else. Not necessarily better, just different.
And we have. As a family we’ve visited a few churches and it has been great! Just to see people so passionate and free in their worship and relationship with a God has been beautiful…even a bit liberating. For so long, I had been in a box and have tried to abide by certain “rules” and had lost the feeling of what a true love experience with Christ felt like.
The liberation. The freedom. The very essence of His love…
So this time away has been good for me. I can’t say that I would never go back to my former church because honestly I don’t know what God will do and there’s no reason for us not too…if that is in God’s plan.
The church we’ve been going to for the past couple of weeks seems to be great…there were specifics we’ve prayed for and I’ve seen most of them there. We are not in a rush to become members, we want to make sure it’s the right fit for our family and I don’t ever want to make such an important decision just because we need a “home church” or out of fear that our family will be punished. The one thing that I am continuing to learn is that God’s grace is sufficient for me…no matter what church I belong too.
So, we made the change and now it’s time to…keep going, be positive and see the good, and God, in the journey no matter what!
Category: Uncategorized
The Voice…
I’ve come to the realization that I can’t be everything to everybody nor will I try to be. There was a time in my life that I would make decisions based solely on the opinions of others…it was a miserable, unfulfilled existence. The things that I loved and dreamed of doing, I suppressed because I made the voice of others louder than my own. I allowed the words of others to penetrate my soul and my very own words I banished…
I felt that I was insignificant and if I did just one thing wrong or out of the ordinary, the people closest to me would leave. And I wanted to hold on to them, at all costs. Oddly enough, given time, they left anyway. But I kept on living…their absence didn’t take my breath away…
It didn’t then and it won’t today. The one thing that has changed is my own opinion about me. I realize, deep within me, that I am significant to God and He created me to do great things. Things that may seem small to some and impractical to others. However, they are important to me.
Once upon a time I would have buried my head in the sand or went back to what was familiar because my choice wasn’t agreeable with those around me. But this time, from this moment forward, I’m going with the voice that’s on the inside of me…God’s voice within me.
I Took A Step…
Early this morning I did something that was scary…I made a FB page for my blog. To most this might seem small but to me, this was a big achievement.
“Thee Mommy Diaries” is something that I love. I started this blog over five years ago when I was pregnant w/our twins. In the beginning I journaled. While I sat in so many doctor’s appointments, I wrote. I wrote about my day, what/how I was feeling. I wrote from my heart. Eventually, I started this blog to give a voice to the words that I had muted for so long.
Motherhood has been a blessing to me, something that I didn’t expect to do four times over but something that I couldn’t see myself not doing.
“Thee Mommy Diaries” started something great in me, something that I hid for a long time: my love for other mothers and the longing I have to encourage them. I absolutely love to see a woman loving God, herself, her family and her calling w/o limitations. And it gives me joy just to see and encourage other mothers’ to do the same.
I know what it’s like to doubt yourself and feel as if you are in no position to be a blessing to anyone, let alone a child. I know the guilt that comes w/choosing to have abortions and the grace that flows when you are able to carry your children fullterm when doctors said that it would be impossibility…
So I hope that you can at least get a glimpse of my heart when you read this blog. I pray that “Thee Mommy Diaries” inspires and encourages mommies to love God, themselves and their families from neverending reserve….
So, please check out my FB page “Thee Mommy Diaries” and give it a “Like”, thanks Friends!!!
I Hope That Today Brings…
I hope that today brings you peace of mind and a hope that cant be shaken no matter what the circumstances…
I hope that today brings you a refreshing that cant be explained and a passion within your soul that cant be quenched…
I hope that today brings you all that you need to keep going so that you can see tomorrow…I hope that today brings you closer to being, accomplishing and recieving everything that you should have been, accomplished and recieved yesterday but couldnt because you couldnt envision it…
I hope that today brings you a vision of yourself being whole and set free…
I hope that you truly love you today and everyday…
Never Be Ashamed To Ask For Help…
Yesterday afternoon my husband called me with some horrific news…that his friend/fraternity brother had killed himself. After asking my hubby was he okay and if there was anything that he needed from me, the analytical side of me kicked in and the questions began… I can only imagine the torment and internal battle that had to be going on within the young man for him to even consider ending his life. It just seems to me that he had to be in a dark place and feeling such an overwhelming amount of despair that he couldn’t see the light of day. It is so easy for people to be upset with the person who chose commit suicide, and that’s okay, but yesterday I felt so much empathy. Depression is real and I don’t know if it is recognized and respected as much in the black community. So many times I have heard people say pray and speak the word over yourself, heck I have even said it and did it! And yes it does work but there should be no shame or feelings of weakness or embarrassment when it comes to telling someone that you are having a struggle mentally. I believe that God is a healer and in many situations he can heal instantaneously, and in others he gives us people and resources that He works through. There should be no shame in therapy, medication or even having to take a break from our everyday responsibilities, if that means that we have a clear mind and are able to deal with our adversities in a positive, life changing way. I seriously believe that situations that we go through in life can cause an imbalance in us that continues build and build over the years if we don’t address them properly. There have been many things that have went on in my life that I swept under the rug because I didn’t want to feel as if I was weak and I followed the example of not talking about what I was feeling and how I had been affected by my closest family members. I have always heard the phrase “what happens in this house stays in this house” growing up. And for a long time that’s what I lived by and even now I have to make a choice not to revert back to this way of thinking. To live by this meant that every hurt, pain and disappointment that I felt I carried with me. I never acknowledged them or confronted the person the person that may have been attached to them, I just buried them. And every time something else happened I added it to the pile. Soon these feelings caused me to act out, feel insignificant and take on others opinions about myself. It has taken me years to finally dig up all of those pinned in emotions, sort through them and realize that I don’t have to live by what others think of me. I don’t have to be scared to voice my opinion and that I am significant no matter what happens. But it all started from within… My hope is that people realize that it is okay to need help. And that there is no wrong way to get that help. Whether it be through therapy, prayer, medication, journaling, talking to a friend, music, writing a letter or even art, just give yourself permission to feel and to release all of the negativity from your mind, body and soul. Not only that, but be a safe place for people to come to and release. More than anything this situation has taught me to always pray and to never dismiss the feelings of others…Father, in the name of Jesus, I pray that You give Your people peace. The very ones that are on the very edge of no return, I pray that You give them a glimmer of hope and show them that they are important to You and that they have a purpose on this earth. I pray that You encourage every lonely heart. And I ask that You show us how we can be a Light to those who are in darkness. Lord, I pray that there be no shame in us asking each other for help, In Jesus Name I thank You, Amen. Be Encouraged My Friends!!! xo
Monday Motivation: What Are You Cultivating???
Cultivate: to grow or maintain;
try to acquire or develop (a quality or skill); try to win friendship or favor of someone; to apply oneself to improving or developing (one’s mind or manners)
What are you taking the time to cultivate, in your life, this week? Is it better relationships, a fitness plan, a more scheduled day or just gratefulness?
I’m actually working on all of those things! My plan is to be more intentional in my words and actions, make sure that my to do list is current, take the time to plan my day and keep my planner w/me at all times and to step out of my comfort zone to reconnect with a few people.
Cultivating anything takes work. I have to be intentional about the growth that I want to see and water my seeds with action!
So this week, I confess that I am a cultivator of greatness! Will it be hard? Probably.
But so worth the time to be able to see God accomplish something great through and in me!
Be cultivators this week friends!
The Truth About My Relationship w/Facebook…
A couple of weeks ago I started volunteering with a teen mom/young mom group. The Director asked me if I had a FB page b/c that’s a great way to keep in touch w/the girls and other leaders.
I told her no.
The truth is I had a Facebook page but I deactivated it almost 3 years ago. In the beginning, FB was a great way for me to keep in contact w/people. It’s amazing seeing people w/their families after 15 years!
Then things between Facebook and I changed. What used to bring me joy now was a constant reminder of how different things were. People I used to call friends were now just “acquantances” and to see them moving on in life was hard. I would often look through their pages, thinking that maybe if I would have did this or that, they would still be a part of my life…truth is Facebook made me seem insignificant…
So I took time off…2 3/4 years to be exact.
On Tuesday, I made the decision to reactivate…but w/boundaries. I dont spend alot of time on there, I check messages, occasionally post an update and check the statuses of the group I volunteer with.
I constantly remind myself that I am significant to God…and that’s what matters most.
The reality of the situation is that I’ve changed and my circle has changed. Can I still associate with “associates” in a cordial, loving way? Yes.
Can I pray that they are doing well w/o getting caught up what they’re doing? Most definitely.
And that my friends is my plan…To make sure that I continue to look forward…and greet those from my past w/a smile of familiarity as I keep moving toward my destiny!!!
Mommy Tip…Use a Timer!
Yes, I knoe you have probably heard it before (I definitely have!)…”Use a Timer” when doing housework.
I finally did it today. I set my oven timer to 30 minutes and got to work! I was able to wipe down countertops, empty trash, sweep the floor and light a candle in the kitchen.
Living Area: fix pillows, vacuum floor and spray furniture w/Febreeze.
Bedroom: put away laundry on bed, vacuum, straighten up dresser and spray loveseat and bed w/Febreeze.
I got a good start! The timer helped me stay focused on housework rather than social media.
So, what tips do you have for completing housework????
Happy cleaning!
Happy Mother’s Day!!!
Last week I was listening to a radio program and the host asked the question, “What’s the one gift that you would give your Mother and why?”
Honestly, I have been thinking about this for the last week. My mom has been gone for the past 6 years and there is soooo much that I would give her, if I had the chance.
~ Of course, there’s money so she wouldnt have to work.
~Then there’s a special place in our home. I imagine my husband and I buying our new home specifically w/her and (his family too) in mind. A “mother-in-love suite. A bedroom big enough for her to have a den and private bath.
~And an extended lifetime is a must! I would love for my mom to see me be a mom to my for children and for her to enjoy being a grandMom.
But most importantly, the biggest gift I would give my mom would be PEACE…my mother went through alot in her lifetime and I dont think that she ever had the peace of God that brings forth healing and that gives you hope, even when times are bad.
My mom’s mother died when she was only twelve, she was the oldest of four and took on a huge responsibility of taking care of her siblings when she was just a pre-teen. She bounced around w/relatives bc her dad had a problem w/alcohol, and there was so many secrets in her life that probably caused her shame until her dying day.
Then she became a teenage mom, battered in her marriage, and a single, hard-working mother of four by the time she was 28. Throughout the years she picked up the same habit as her dad, alcohol(still working and taking care of us), and I wonder how much of a difference Peace would have made in her life…if it would have changed the way she dealt with pain and if it would have given her the courage to speak her truth and confront the hand that she was dealt in life.
I wonder if Peace would have given her the happiness that she deserved and the love that I know her soul craved…if it would have given her the courage to love God fully in spite of the things that life had brought her way…if it would have given her the means to forgive and love out of a pure heart…I wonder if peace would have mended her heart…
God I pray for peace in the hearts of mothers. I pray that from that peace, every good thing that they need in life is birthed…
Happy Mother’s Day!!!
Monday Motivation: BECOMING….
So many times we (myself included) can focus on so may other things besides what we want to “become”.
We focus on what we’re not, what we don’t have, what we used to be and/or what others are rather than what we want to become…
So that’s this weeks challenge: Focus on what you want to Become! Take the time to write down what you want to become and make focus on that.
Take a step closer to your “Becoming” no matter how small.
Have a productive “Becoming” week!
Thee Mommy Diaries 