“If live for applause you’ll die from criticism”
I used to do things, ultimately live my life, for the approval, acceptance and love of people.
Everything I did, I did wanting in some way for people to see me as worthy and for me to be significant person in their life.
Turns out I was always disappointed, frustrated and left feeling as if I was invisible and unloved.
It wasn’t on them it was on me. No one, except God, deserves that much of me. I gave all of myself to people who didn’t deserve me. I stayed up at night worrying about people who were sleeping very well. I was trying to impress and please people who could care less.
Lesson Learned: don’t live for people, live for God. I can’t  make someone love me and if I have to try, it’s not worth it.
Xoxo

It’s my 5 year Bloggiversary!!!
It’s hard to believe that Thee Mommy Diaries has been around for 5 years but it has!!!
I started blogging when I was pregnant with our twins as a sense of relief. I was always at the doctor, stress monitoring, or in the hospital due to something pregnancy related. There was so much going on that I decided to publicly journal all of my thoughts and “ah ha” moments.
But soon I came to believe that my writing was a gift and more than anything I wanted to birth a sense of community and encouragement to other wives and mothers.
So here’s my 5 Facts About Me for 5 Amazing Years of Blogging!!!
#1 I’m an introverted extrovert.
Big contradiction right? Well I absolutely love being alone. I’m a deep thinker, I love to eat by myself and there’s nothing I absolutely love more than going to a coffee shop with a book. However, I love conversing with people and learning about what makes them unique.
#2 I am a former Pharisee
You know that bible verse about taking the plank out of your eye before trying to remove a speck from your brother’s eye? Yeah, well that’s one I now live by. I use to be so ready to point out the faults of others without first looking at myself. Though I’m in a truly humbling situation right now, I’m thankful that for God’s grace and more ready to pray for someone rather than do a mental list of their faults.
#3 My Confidence is stronger than ever.
I love me…good, bad and indifferent. Not to say that I’m not working on being better everyday, I’m just in a place where I know that God loves me and He made not one mistake when He created me. So I’m choosing to be my best, think the best and do the best that I can daily💜
#4 I Want To Write Books
I dream about having a devotional for women and novels. Now it’s time to finish!!!
#5 I love to see love.
It makes me so happy to see happily married couples! It makes my heart happy and it I strive to be that to someone else!!

Thanks for 5 years and I look forward to many more, any many other successful writing endeavors, to come!!
Blessings!!! Xo

I used to be the most insecure woman ever. I constantly compared myself to others and I was always having an ongoing negative conversation mentally.
Then one day, I realized that I wasn’t created to be like everyone around me. And I was so unhappy because I was constantly trying to be a carbon copy of who I thought I should be; like everyone else.
Did everything change for me overnight?
No. But things did change when I started to change.
I started a list of affirmations that I speak daily.
I started to take the time to really do what I enjoyed, wear what I wanted and do what felt authentic.
When I journaled I was honest…I no longer just wrote what I thought looked correct on paper. Sometimes it got ugly, I wrote the things that I couldn’t dare speak. And because of that I was no longer bound to the opinions of others or the feelings of inadequacy.
When I was sad and disappointed I poured my tears out over paper…and most times, I could feel my heart mending through my thoughts.
When I prayed I didn’t speak to God w/an invisible audience in view, I spoke to Him from the secret place where it was only Him and I.
Be You. You were created to do a specific thing, to be a unique person.
You’re significant…so when you speak to yourself in those moments when only you can hear…make sure your words are affirming…make sure they make you smile and push you in the right direction💜

Once upon a time I wanted to be, achieve and attain certain things because I wanted to impress people…I wanted them to see my worth manifested through my achievements and my belongings.
Once upon a time I thought that just because certain relationships didn’t withstand the test of time, that I wasn’t good enough to be loved unconditionally by certain people.
Once upon a time I thought that I wasn’t special because I didn’t do things like the people around me…
Then I realized that I’m me. I can’t be or do things like everyone else.
My hearts desire can’t be to please or impress others…
I can’t want the love and acceptance of others more than I want to know and be my authentic self…
Once upon a time I spent a lot of time thinking about people who could care less about me…
I’m so glad that that time is over and that I love and like me enough to know my worth and have taken the time to get to know the One who created me…

Before I really couldn’t appreciate Sanctity of Human Life Day…until I was told that I would never be a mother.
When I was 14 I got pregnant for the first time. Being scared, naive and having no support-I hid it for about five months. When my mom found out she was livid and told me that she wasn’t raising anymore babies and took me to have an abortion. It wasn’t something that we discussed and I didn’t fully understand…all I knew was that I wasn’t pregnant anymore and my baby was dead.
From this point on I made an inner vow that I wouldn’t be a mother because obviously I wouldn’t be good at it.
At 21, I ended up pregnant again. Having this baby was not an option for me. The guy I was pregnant by wasn’t the best and I knew I’d be nothing more than a “baby mama”.
So again, I chose to abort my child. I went through it alone again…I suffered in silence.
Two years later….yep, you guessed it I was pregnant for the third time!!! However I decided that this time I was having my baby and was mentally prepared to go it alone. After 8 weeks, I miscarried and I was devastated. I went to see my ob gyn and was time something that I was never expecting…the prior abortions I had had damaged my cervix. She said that could conceive w/no problems but by body refused to carry a child full-term. I was devastated and so angry that I had did this to myself.
Fast forward a few years, I got married to a great man who always wanted to be a father. I had to tell him what I was told and because of his faith he wasn’t shaken.
I got pregnant on our wedding night and exactly nine months later, we had a healthy baby girl. Three years later, we were expecting twins. I carried them 39 weeks and a day. And almost two years ago, we had our son Majer.
God forgives and restores. I forgave myself for my mistakes and I forgave my mom…she was a young mom also. And in her own way, she didn’t want me to struggle like she had.
For me Sanctity of Human Life Day means so much now because I can vividly remember a time in my life when it meant so little….xo

Just…
This was a word that I used to use quite frequently, especially when I was referring to myself.
“Im JUST a stay at home wife and mother”
“I’m JUST a blogger”
“I’m JUST a volunteer”
“I’m JUST Stacy”
“I’m JUST Kemp’s wife”
Although it took a while, I can see how I allowed the “just'” of my life limit me instead of propel me.
I thought that what and who I was were so small in comparison to some many other people.
I never let my gifts and talents shine because I thought they were so mundane and insignificant…
I just settled into the shadows of mediocrity…
Now I understand that I am so much more than a Just, we all are. The things that we do, the person we are, the gifts that we have are significant, much needed and given to us for a purpose.
No longer am I JUST Stacy…I’m Stacy with a purpose and a mission to fulfill.
Xoxo

This is the time of year where we as people usually reflect on what’s behind us and focus on what lies ahead.
2014 was a good year for me…a lot of change came into play and for that I am more than grateful. Not all of the changes made were external, a few of them, the biggest and most important were internal…changes that affected my mind and heart so much so that the ways I viewed myself were swayed~for the better.
2014 did come w/some hard decisions, one of them being to leave our church of ten plus years. Nothing drastic happened, no fall out w/leadership or members…just a strong knowing that it was time to do something different for our family.
This decision caused my husband and I to grow closer together…no one knew or could agree w/what we’re feeling called to do but us. It strengthened us. Caused us to pray without ceasing. Allowed us to support each other like never before.
I stepped out of my comfort zone and became a volunteer with teen and young moms. I’m very reserved and an introvert by nature, but just being with these young ladies causes me to be a mentor, mother figure and so much more than I ever imagined. I found my gift…
More than anything else, I have felt confidence like never before. I used to be so insecure. Constantly comparing myself to others and in the end feeling insignificant…
No this confidence didn’t come by osmosis…it came by me telling myself something different. I have a list of affirmations that I speak out loud and when I start to think a negative thought I replace it w/a positive one. And most importantly when I read the Word, I don’t just think that God’s love, His goodness and His gifts are for everyone else…they’re for me too.
All in all 2014 was an amazing year full of new beginnings, change and growth.
I’m so looking forward 2015 and to see all that God does through and for my family and I!
Wishing you a year full of greatness~Xoxo

Just yesterday I read an article about the co-founder of a popular natural hair product line, dying at the age of 45. Her death was a suicide. The culprit was depression…
So many struggle w/depression on their own, in silence and shame.
Especially in the black community, a lot of people go undiagnosed for years and then self medicate w/drugs and alcohol or even isolation. I personally believe that both of my parents suffered w/undiagnosed depression. And they both self medicated; my mother w/alcohol and my father w/drugs.
There were so many things that happened in their lives, things that would cause anyone to question themselves…I wonder what would have been different if they were open enough to talk to someone about their issues and take the necessary steps to help them be better mentally and emotionally.
I can remember talking to a young lady who went to my church. She would never follow up on her psych evaluations b/c she said that if she did people would treat her like she was crazy. Funny thing, she had a lot going on her life. She grew up in foster care, was in abusive relationships, she was homeless on and off, and she had five kids that were now in foster care.
She told me that she felt weak and that God didn’t love her b/c she had prayed several times for him to heal her mind…my heart broke for her. I asked her “what if the very medicine and therapists that you refuse to take and see are God’s way of healing you?”
Everybody doesn’t come through depression the same way.
Yes some might be able to pray, journal and meditate on God’s word but some are the very reason that God created people to be therapist, psychologist and counselors. He also created doctors to create medications. Please know that depression is nothing to be ashamed of nor should it be looked down upon.
Just know that during this Christmas season and beyond, I’m praying for those who are dealing w/depression, especially when it’s undiagnosed or untreated.
I’m praying that someone says a kind word to you today.
I’m praying that the hopelessness that you feel be lifted and that you be confident enough to seek the help that you need.
I’m praying that someone truly listens to the words you speak w/o judgement, but w/love, compassion and empathy.
I pray that someone takes the time to lovingly point you in the right direction away from all that you’ve been doing to just “cope” w/life.
I pray that you know that you are significant no matter what others say or even what you tell yourself…
Just know that I’m praying for you💜

Seasons in life change…circumstances and relationships included.
It’s always hard to accept change when it comes without explanation or invitation.
I can’t say that I’m the best at handling life’s ever changing seasons, however I am a lot better at it…even if the results are the same.
The hurt comes but I don’t accept it.
Bitterness knocks at the door but I don’t answer.
Guilt creeps up but I denounce it.
Walls steadily try to build themselves around me but I remove the bricks, one by one, so I can continue to see the light of day…
And when newness tries to enter my life, I welcome it with both open arms and heart…
The seasons in life are ever changing…and so am I. Only this time it’s for the better…