This pandemic has been alot of things…
long. exhausting. restful. restless. a time to think. draining.
Being an introvert being in the house all the time isn’t that bad for me. I can only dream of a time when I could be stuck in a hotel room with my books, planners, Youtube and unlimited snacks. However, being a wife and mom of six has lead to no such thing. My days have been long dealing with virtual learning, staying on watch for completed assignments, breaking up fights and of course cooking unlimited amounts of meals.
The one thing that has stood out more than anything else is our number five struggling with his behavior. In hindsight, we knew that this could be an issue. Number 5 has dealt with alot, even while his was in the womb. His bio mother struggled with addiction, mental health issues, abandonment and trauma after trauma. So Logically, we knew there could be some opposition. Especially since my husband worked in mental health for years…it was never that far from the front of my mind.
Maybe because we have been on quarantine, and his schedule from school is totally out of whack, Number five has been on the struggle bus a lot more behaviorally. I cant tell you the amount of times that I am redirecting, breaking up fights, running after, cleaning up the messes of, and yes much to my regret, yelling. Our days are long!!!! And honestly my buddy is with the mayhem and adventure from the time he gets up (at the very crack of dawn) until the time he closes his eyes- when
he closes his eyes (bedtime is a whole notha’ story).
So early last week I decided to make him a doctor’s appointment (after I broke down in tears and talked myself out of running far, far away). It was a moment of acknowledgement for me…acknowledging the fact that I was at the end of my rope and that more than anything I wanted to get the process started on getting our son the help (and us the tools) needed so that he can thrive, self soothe and know that no matter what circumstances he was born into, he was made for our family and that God has so much goodness in store for him.
Getting ready for the doctor’s appointment was harder than I thought it would be– I was acutely aware of the fact that I was a black mom who was advocating for her son who has so much going on in his little heart and mind, due to no cause of his own. All feelings aside, we got the ball rolling. We have started the journey to be parental advocates for the mental and emotional well-being of Number 5, a splendid little soul.
So, I’m rolling with it. I am going with the thought that this hurdle is no surprise for God and that this is all a part of the plan…to love people well…even when it’s hard…even when the road looks to be uncertain…
Come what may…I’m rolling it…