Today is “Sanctity of Human Life” Sunday….and I just so happen to have a little bit to share with all on this subject.
And here’s my testimony…..
When I was 14 yrs old, I gave my virginity away (I started to say lost but honestly I willingly gave it away). I was a freshman in high school, naive, and to be honest my knowledge on sexuality and how precious my body is was close to none. My mom didn’t relaxingly the “bird and the bees” to me so to speak. She simply said “keep your panties up and dress down”. In no way do I fault her for anything that took place….she was doing what she knew to do and until you know better you can’t do better. A few months after I started having sex, I found out that I was pregnant. And I was beyond scared!!! I didn’t tell anyone except the boyfriend and a cousin of mine that lived in Georgia. So being 14 and pretty simple, I must add, I decided that I was going to hide it. My logic was that the longer I hid it, the farther along I would be, and hopefully by the time my mama found out I’d be near nine months.
Well, that plan didn’t work. One night my mama woke up saying she had a dream about fish and asked me if I was pregnant and of course I said no. She didn’t mention it for a couple of days and then bam!! I came home from school and she was waiting with a pregnancy test and she told me to “pee on the stick”. I dipped the stick in toilet water and it came out negative and for a second, only a second, I thought that I was in the clear. But the next day, Mama was waiting with another test and this time she put on her gloves (my Mama was a caregiver and one of the best I might add) and held the stick as I used the bathroom.
And the inevitable happened…..the truth came to light. Her daughter, 14 yeas old, was indeed pregnant and completely clueless. For a few days it was very tense. My Mama wa upset and as we all know we can.
say and do somethings in the heat of the moment that aren’t right.
So, she told me to call the boyfriend and his parents. We all met, the verdict was given and my Mom gave the final say LIm not raising nobody’s baby and I’ll make the appointment”. With that said I really didn’t know what was going to happen besides I wouldn’t be pregnant anymore due to me getting an “A/B” (short for abortion,we never said the word). Long story short, I had the abortion when I was almost 5 months. I remeber having an ultrasound, finding out I was carrying a boy, crying my eyes out b/c in that moment there was absoluely nothing that I could do.
For a really long time, I was ashamed and felt horrible. I just remeber how alone I felt afterwards and being told that I was “going to hell”
As the years went by, having an abortion was my dirty little secret and when I was 20 I got pregnant again. Without thinking too much about I got another abortion. My reasoning was that the guy I was w/wasn’t daddy material and after my first pregnany I vowed to never have kids.
Then when I was 23, I got pregnant yet again…….this time it bwas different. I made up my mind that I was going to have this baby and do everything on my own ,if I had too. I went to th dr. and found out I was 6wks. A couple of nights later while I was at work I started bleeding really bad. Long story short, I miscarried and my dr. told me that due to my 2 prior abortions my cervix was really weakand it would be a miracle if I evr carried a child to full term.
I was completely devestated b/c I made these choices and it was all my fault. A friend of mine called me not too long after I heard the news and invite me to church(thanks friend). I went. Repeneted, rededicated my life to Christ,joined my church, was filled with the Holy Spirit , and strted working in the children’s ministry. By no means was forgiving kmyself and others an easy process. It took a lot of time, tears, prayer, and surrender. But eventually I was able to forgive myself and accept God’s forgiveness and unconditional love.
When I was 25,God blessed me with a saved, sanctified, and Holy Spirit filled husband(very handsome I might add:-)). And on our one month anniversary, I found out we were expecting!! To wrap of of this up, at 30 years young we have a beautiful 4 yr old daughter and 19 month old twins. I went full term with Maddie and delievered her at exactly 40 wks. And with the twins,I carried them 39wks and 1day…….
The point of all this is that life is precious and God is a God of restoration. The mistakes that I made, the hurt and guilt that I felt were all covered in the blood of Jesus. If He did it for me, He can definately do it for you! Trust Him, Nothingos is impossible 4 God……..
PS*My Mama lived to see God bless me w/my hubby and Maddie. I can honestly say that she was the bestest “MawMaw” ever and our relationship was better than it had ever been……(my God is awesome!!!!)