If I am being completely honest…this week has started out hard. Our washer broke (with a family of 8 that’s a no-no), fridge isn’t getting cold (uhhhh…I just went grocery shopping at Sams!!!) and things are just hard.
I’ve caught myself pondering on if I can do it. Be the mother that my children need, keep our home afloat as the fall rolls in (school and football), be the wife that my husband needs and do whatever it is God has called me to do….
I’m tired. Frustrated. Feeling Unproductive. Angry. Feeling as if I’m doing things in vain. Just Down. Unappreciated.
Is this how I’m supposed to be feeling going into my 38th year? It’s an unsure place to be in when I’m so used to having it all together…at least by appearance…but lately, yeah I have zero time or effort to put into trying to look as if I’m good and I’m not. No, I’m not walking around upset and disheveled but there is this part of me that’s like “bump it, you feel what you feel, it is what it is”.
But the one thing that I had forgotten within all of this is that I was made for this!!! Is this adoption process going to be easy? No. Is it easy dealing with an energetic, curious toddler who can destroy a room in 5.2 seconds? Nope. However, I do know that God placed him in our lives to love and care for. Is it ideal havin to be out of the house at 640am to pick up another child and get him and my daughter to school by 730am? Nah son, but the way the situation unfolded itself let’s me know God put me in the path of his mother to be a help for a time.
I can sit here and complain about all the things that I have to do and all that needs to be done or I can just do it and be thankful that God put me in position to be His “go-to” woman.
Things will slow down, seasons will shift but right now….its go time!!!!!