One of the best ways for me to quiet myself and get alone w/God is to clean. And that’s what I was doing for awhile today…cleaning! Maybe it’s the nesting kicking in full gear or just me craving more organization in our home, either way I got some things accomplished domestically on this day all while be able to reflect and thank God for where He has brought me too!
While I was cleaning, I was just thinking. Thinking about the person that I am and strive to be as a 32 year old child of God, wife, and soon to be mother of 4. And I can honestly say that a lot has changed over the years.
I can remember back when I first made a commitment to give my all in my relationship w/God. A lot of things changed. The way I talked, where I went, who I hung out with and even the way that I viewed people. And most of this was for the better~I made a lot of changes b/c I felt a certain conviction and I no longer wanted to just please me, ultimately I wanted to please God.
And with the good changes and transitions, there were some not so good things too. One of the biggest things that I struggled w/for most of my life was highlighted and even heightened in a sense…insecurity. From as far back as I can remember I had always felt that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, popular enough…and the list could go on and on.
And w/me being a new Christian, I felt this all over again and my list of insecurities grew. I didn’t know enough, I wasn’t social enough, I was too quiet, my testimony wasn’t big enough, I wasn’t important enough to hear from God like others, I didn’t look saved enough, I couldn’t pray like the others…
And w/my list of “I AM NOT ENOUGH’S’ growing, so did Operation “Be Someone Else”. I attempted to do, be, and conform to what I saw around me. Everything that I envied in other people I tried to take on for myself. In no way am I saying that a person cant admire or even aspire to take on a personal quality that they love about someone else, I’m just saying that I tried to BE someone else other than who God created me to be.
And w/this trying to be someone that I wasn’t came even more unhappiness. I was very unsure of myself, my gifts and even who God had called me to be. I was a people-pleaser. I looked to other people to validate me and when they didn’t, I was broken. I was constantly afraid of disappointing others. I couldn’t make decisions without checking w/others. I was always offended. Lastly, I put more into the words and opinions of others than I did into my relationship w/God.
I am so glad to say that all that has changed. I can remember one day when the Holy Spirit told me to “eat the meat and spit out the bones”. For me this meant that I was to take only what I needed to help me grow, the edifying things from those around me. This one phrase caused the light bulb to go off in my heart! I was no longer in bondage to the words and thoughts of others!
Slowly, I came to realize that God didn’t make a mistake when He created me. I am an introvert and I am okay w/that. For a long time I thought that since mostly all the people around me were extroverts, I was defective. But soon, I realized I wasn’t. I have a quiet spirit. I love to spend time by myself. I like to watch people and how they respond to others. I don’t like to respond too quickly. I am who God made me.
However, I realized that God can work through my personality if I let Him. There have been many times when God just opens me up and gives me the opportunity to have some very meaningful conversations with people, and in those moments I know it is Him at work. And in these times, I am so thankful b/c more than anything I know that I have made a genuine connection w/someone…even if it was for just a moment in time.
The point of this whole post is this~Be YOU. Be the you who God created you to be from the beginning of time!!! Yes, being You may take you taking some w/God and totally renewing your thinking, but it is so worth it! Having a true, authentic relationship w/God and to know yourself and love who He created you to be is the best gift that you could possibly give to others and yourself! BE YOU!!!!! The true you. The God centered and created You…just BE YOU:-)