As 2012 comes to an end, I have been doing a lot of reflecting. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about “my best and not so best” times of this past year.
Honestly, I didn’t have too many “not so best” times. I did have times that were hard, that caused me to stay up a little later pondering and that no doubt were the reason behind a lot of tears and some not so nice journal entries. However, throughout all of those times I learned a lot. I learned a lot about me, life and just about God’s grace and how it’s available to me, and others, in the worst of times.
One of the biggest things that I learned is that people and relationships change and sometimes not always for the best. For example, a person I used to be really close too and talked too at the least four times a day, is now someone that I haven’t spoken too, outside of a hand full of texts and a brief phone conversation, in almost a year. This used to really bother me and for awhile this situation, the what-ifs and the memories of what used to be, took up a lot of space in my thoughts. There were probably months that went by where I was constantly in some type of mental limbo about what happened, what was said, and if there was anything that I could have done differently, w/o condoning wrong, to not lose my best friend. Then there came a time when my peace was restored… Yes, my heart still hurt over losing a friendship that I thought was a lot stronger then it was, but I was okay. I was okay with the fact that things had changed and I could now be thankful for what was w/o living in regret about what wasn’t anymore.
This year I also learned that just b/c I think that things should be done a certain way, doesn’t always mean that things will happen in the particular way that I envisioned them too. And even this is okay. God calling me to do for others, not for a big thank you in the end, but to bring Him glory and to be a blessing to others… was a hard pill to swallow. But after it digested completely, I felt the healing begin to take place on the inside 🙂
I also learned that going against the grain isn’t easy or comfortable. Earlier this year my hubby and I had to make a big decision about where our family was going to worship and serve at as a family. We were so torn b/c so may people that we loved, grew up (spiritually) with, and also experienced a lot of important life moments (marriage, kids, death etc) were now leaving. And for awhile we thought that we were going to be leaving as well. However God had different plans. We stayed. We stayed when we wanted to go. We stayed when it would have been easier for us to go. I can vividly remember crying and pleading w/God in prayer to please release us…then I remember how the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and told me to stop looking at other people…He told me that it was too easy for me (us) to look at the problems and what was going on around us w/o praying to be apart of the solution. Needless to say that we are at are same church, serving and thanking God for all that He is doing!
All in all, 2012 was a good year. Like I said before, a lot of things happened but in the end they added to my wisdom bank and caused me to grow up in the moment! I am so looking forward to 2013! I don’t have a whole list of specific resolutions, like I usually have, but I do have one major goal in mind: BE GREAT.
I was good in 2012, in 2013 it’s my hearts desire to be GREAT…to be a Great woman after God’s heart, to be a Great wife, mother and home manager, to be a Great confidant and friend, to be a Great Aunt,sister and servant, to a be Great blogger, author and listener, to be a Great person of follow-through, learner, nurturer, planner and organizer, to be a Great, intercessor, leader and a Great follower of the Holy Spirit’s leading and promptings…I just want to BE GREAT at being me and all that God has called and put on the inside of me to be! GREATNESS…that’s my one desire for 2013…