Bittersweet…

This past Saturday I had the awesome opportunity to go to an annual retreat called “W(omen) O(f) W(orth)”.  This is my 7th year going and it’s always a treat to get some uninterrupted time w/God, meet and catch up with some diverse, funny women who have hearts for God, and eat some delicious food that I didn’t lift one finger to make!!! That’s some of the sweet…
Back in 2007 I went to this retreat and got a phone call from my sister saying that my mom was admitted into the hospital and that she had lung cancer.  The doctors said that the cancer had deteriorated at least four of the bones of her ribcage(which was why she was in so much pain) and that it was stage 4.
I remember being crushed. And sitting in my room crying. One of the ladies came in and after I told her what was wrong, she took me to the cafeteria and all the women from the retreat gathered around me and prayed.  I felt as if their prayers and love were the only things holding me up…this was the bitter.
About 3 months after the retreat my mom died…on her last day of chemo and on my niece and nephew’s birthday.  It was one of the hardest moments of my life to get that call at 6am.  And then to get to my mom’s house and see her laying there lifeless…not responding to my pleas for her to live and not die, are moments that will forever be sketched in my heart.
However, I have some of the sweetest memories of our last 3 months together and even more when I think about how so many women at the retreat came to her homegoing just to support me…so sweet.
I never knew how bittersweet this weekend was until it all flooded back on Saturday evening during a worship session…but as I write this and think about my mother and the amazing women of worth who showed me that I was so worthy to them, the Sweet totally outweighs the bitter….and I choose to hold on to the sweet.

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