“All things work together for the good of those that love the Lord”~that’s what kept running through my mind as I lay in the hospital bed…in pain and in disbelief.
“Kara Watkins? Hi my name is Elisa McNeil and I’ve been assigned by the hospital Social Worker to be your Advocate.”
“Ummm…hello. Why do I need an advocate?” I said as I tried to sit up w/o yelling out from pain.
“Well, Kara. You’ve been through a traumatic experience in the last day or so. I’m here to support you in any way that I can and also to walk you through the next steps, if you will let me.”
“What do I do next?” I said through tears.
“Tell me about you Kara…then tell me what happened yesterday.”
“Well, I’m 26 years old and I’m the host of a local Christian radio show…for young women. I don’t have any kids, I’m the only child…my parents died in a car accident a few years ago. So…its just me. I have a few close friends and I go to a great church but other than that, its just me.”
As I sat there and talked to Elisa, I felt safe. I felt like she really cared. Then the thought hit me~wow, this was the first time since the “incident” that I felt concern.
“Kara, I know this hard and I know that you’ve been through so much…so if you need more time, I’ll wait. I’ll wait until you’re ready.” Elisa said in such a gentle voice, just an octave above a whisper. Then she reached for my hand as a single tear dropped from her right eye.
I profusely started to wipe the tears from my eyes. Thinking that this is the first time that I’ve cried since it all happened, since my whole life changed.
“Ummm…the other night I got off of work late. I had so much work to do for an upcoming interview that I stayed after hours at the studio. My friend Shay offered to pick me up whenever I was done but I didn’t call her…I didn’t want her to come across town just to drive me three block to my condo. So I decided that I’d walk. I’d be ok, I reasoned w/in myself. It will only take five minutes.”
Soooo many emotions started to flow through me. Guilt, worry, shame~I felt it all.
As I opened my mouth to finish telling Elisa what happened…something different, unexpected escaped my lips. Sobs, praises, worship and all at once.
As I cried out to God I told Him that I trusted Him, that even though this horrible event happened to me, I believe. I believe that He loves me and that this will work out for my good.
As I looked up, w/my eyes full of tears I saw Elisa crying w/ her hands in the air “Yes God…this will work together for her good…Lord I thank you for heart being yours even in the midst of this…”
After this I was finally able to talk about what happened.
“I was raped…when I got to my door and turned the key, I felt something on the back my head and I could hear someone breathing…as I tried to tun around the man told me to stop and that if I even thought about screaming it would be over for me. Then he told me to open the door and go in. I walked in and I immediately ran toward the kitchen. The man pointed his gun at me andtold me to sit on the couch before I end up in a body bag…as I sat down I realized that something bad was going to happen. This guy didn’t even attempt to cover his face and the look in his eyes…it was cold and I could tell that his heart was hard.” As I stopped talking I looked out of the window…
“How could someones heart be so hard? After that he made me get undressed and then it happened…he raped me. The entire time I felt as if my screams were stuck in my throat…and all I could was cry…”
“After he left, I just cried. I don’t know how muh time passed but eventually I was able to get up and call 911. An ambulance came, I was transported to the hospital and they did a rape kit…they took blood to test for STDs, took my clothing, swabbed my mouth, under my nails and even my vagina…then I had to take a pregnancy test…”
Almost a month has passed since the rape and I must admit…things have been tough. I’ve had nightmares, I’m constantly looking over my shoulder and the thought of being pregnant has been a worry that hasn’t subsided…
But throughout it all, I’ve had support from my Advocate Elisa and my close friends. In those times when I didnt know what to say or do, they’ve been there. They’ve prayed for me and w/me, they’ve came to check on me even when I told them I was ok and on those days when they’ve called and I couldn’t even say hello b/c of the tears…they rushed to be by my side, wipe my tears and just be w/me.
As I sit on my window sill, look out the window and reflect…my phone rings… as I answer it, I hear a slightly familiar voice. “Kara, hi this is Tami your nurse from your hospital stay a few weeks ago. I have some important information for you, do you have a minute talk?”
I immediately stood up and braised myself for whatever she had to say~”Hi Tami. Yes I’m available to talk. How did all the tests go?” I asked as my hands began to sweat.
“Well Kara…the good news is that both you HIV/AIDS and STD tests both came back negative…ahem…your pregnancy test is positive. I do have info on hand for a very good doctor that would perform the procedure to terminate the pregnancy.”
Then what seemed like an hour there was an awkward silence.
“Thanks for all your help Tami, but I won’t be needing that info. Have a great day.”
As I hung up the phone, only one thing came to mind~”All things work together for the good for those who love the Lord”~although this situation wasn’t ideal…life has been created in the midst of my darkest hour. And that in itself, is for my good…