My Desperate Moment…

Have you ever had a really desperate moment? I mean just a longing for something or someone who shouldn’t even matter…and in reality they don’t matter??
Yep…I had one of those moments today.
I was at the gas station and I saw someone that I haven’t seen in years~ I mean pre-marriage days! 
I saw this person and I wanted sooooo bad to let them know that I was no longer the person that I used to be. I wanted them to see that I had matured…I would even say that I am now “walking in my womanhood”. I wanted to smile as I told them that I was doing great, my family is the best and that my hubby and are I soon about to celebrate our 7th year of marriage.
When I got home, I asked myself why?
Why did that moment matter so much?
And really what satisfaction would have come from it?
In that instance I had to repent.
I repented for my moment of desperation…and for also looking for my something that I can only find in Christ~acceptance and identity.
This moment showed me how easy it was for me to want to prove that I’m different than I used to be…not b/c I wanted to lift up Jesus but b/c in my own selfisness and insecurity, I wanted to prove that I’m better and what they saw before was no longer who I was back then…
But what I realized is that in the midst of me trying to make a point, I was also tryng to exalt myself and take credit for what God has done through me and for me…
It’s not my job to put myself on a pedestal…it’s my job to live my life for God~and He’ll do the rest!
No more desperate moments for me~only grateful ones…

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