Hold Space

This one phrase has been on my mind and heart for the past few months.

So for me holding space goes way back. Way back to probably the beginning but for the sake of this post, lets go back to my teenage years. I lost my virginity, got pregnant and had an abortion all in my freshmen year in high school. While all of this was going on there really wasn’t a safe place for me. I didn’t have anyone to talk too. There was no one around to explain all of this ins and outs or even to process my grief, thoughts and feelings with. Please know that I didn’t expect there to be fanfare for a black, naive, pregnant teenager but I do look back and wish that someone would have held space for me…

What it means* How it happens in my everyday life* Why it’s important to me*

When I say hold space in no way am I saying that I wanted people to coddle me or agree with my misinformed and reckless behavior. But I think it would have been life changing to have a person there who could help me process all that I was going through, listen to my heart and also honestly explain sex–the feelings that come with it, consequences/joys of it and that it is not just a physical act; it’ truly giving your body and emotions to another person. Holding Space is having someone say ‘hey, you are not your mistakes. Take what you’ve learned from this and build upon it” ( my Aunt Virginia, who is my oldest child’s namesake, did tell me something to this effect before she died).

So fast forward almost thirty years and my hearts desire is to hold space. This is my hearts songs to be a space holder for people. Over the years, Ive either seen or experienced a little bit of everything. From three pregnancies (two ending in abortion, one in miscarriage and being told that I wouldnt be able to carry a baby full-term), abuse, trauma, absent father, instability, not emotionally connecting with anyone, watching siblings go in and out of prison, seeing/living with parents who had alcohol/drug addictions, to my sister (who shared our home with us) dying almost three years ago unexpectedly and the trauma and depression that followed from finding her unresponsive, doing CPR to only find out there was no brain activity and have to make the decision to take her off of life support…

Holding Space has become my life song. I get do it with my children when we have hard conversations. But also in everyday life by acknowledging their thoughts and opinions and giving them the space to feel their feelings, without judgement, and doing what we can to steer them in the right direction- all while helping them put useful tools in their toolbox of life. I also get to hold space for teen/young moms. I run a program, The Connect, just for them. To provide a space where the can just be…without judgement, with lots of love and care, a home cooked meal, all while giving them the tools and encouragement to become the best parents for their children.

So for me holding space is to listen without judgement. It is welcoming people with a meal, coffee, a Kentucky Mule and/or a soft sofa to relax on. Holding Space giving advice when it is needed and wanted, crying tears, hugging the stew out of you or even just praying silently as I hols someone’s hand. Holding Space is loving without trying to change a person…it can also be telling someone that it’s time for them to get their life, in love:)

I hope that you hold space…to love people where they are so that they feel safe and significant…even when life’s circumstances are screaming the exact opposite… I hope that you choose hold space.

The Great Reminder…

A few weeks ago I spoke at our women’s gathering about our gifts. The gist of it was that our gifts and talents are given to us by God for His glory and to be a help/encouragement for others, they should be deepened by us, and that we shouldn’t dumb down the  great things that God has given us and put in us to fulfill.

Well, guess what?  I did it. I dumbed down something that God has given me to do. I didn’t talk about this particular thing with a humble confidence that I should have. i spoke with uncertainty and fear. No I don’t have all the answers but I know that God does and that HE will give me the wisdom, favor and plan to get done what needs to be done, for His glory.

So, today I had the great reminder…Its ok to be ok with the great things that God has given me to do and be. Now its time to walk in it and thank Him for what He has so generously given me to do for Him….

Monday Motivation: Pray, Prepare…

“If You Pray For It, Prepare For It”…this simple, eight word quote speaks volumes to me!!! I can remember when we were in the process of buying our home. We had been looking for months, put in three offers, praying and believing…but nothing seemed to be going our way. 

I can remember feeling down and out, tired of waiting. But eventually, I did the opposite of what my situation called for. I started packing up stuff, throwing out what we didn’t need, and keeping the house that we were in like it was the home we had been dreaming of. And in time, we found our home and the transition was smoother because of the preparation that took place throughout the process. 

Same thing goes for our goals, dreams and aspirations…prepare, get ready, for what you’re praying for. If it’s to be a speaker- study, perfect your gift. If it’s s new car-keep your current one washed, cleaned out and up to date on maintenance. If it’s to be wealthy- clean your credit up and stay up to date on bills. Sometimes it’s not so much about how much we are doing, it’s about being excellent and consistent in what we are doing. 

So friends and fellow mommies, let’s start, and finish out, this week by Being Prepared For The Blessing(s) That We’ve Been Praying For…

Balance…Is It Possible?!?

Over the past week or so, I’ve been thinking alot about balance. 

Is there any such thing?

We have been pretty productive during this season. 

Marriage. 4.5 Children + 1 Bonus Baby (through foster care). Home Manager. Working Part-time. 

Honestly, there isnt a lot of me time. I love the idea of self-care but when the rubber hits the road, I have to make the best of our situation. While I would love to go get a pedicure and spend some time alone, honestly I have loads of laundry that need to be washed, dryed and folded so the best that I can do is listen to one of my favorite podcast and read a chapter in a book while I wait for my children at baseball practice.

I know it won’t always be like this but for right now I have to grab the moments when and where I can. So to all my mommy friends, take the little moments until the big ones are available. 

My Light🔥🔥🔥

Being who I am hasn’t always come easy for me,

I used to be so focused on the opinions of others that I couldn’t recognize that I was made in the image of perfection.

I was created by the Greatest Creator who creates without making any mistakes.

I couldn’t recognize the light that was glowing ever so dimly on the inside of me.

The Light that was once aglow became a tenth of what it used to be. Words and opinions of others caused my once bright light to become dim, diminished, unrecongnizable–I allowed others to fan my flame. To make it smaller, less than what it was created to be.

Then one day, everything clicked. It was time for me to re-light my flame…and I did. Day by day, my light began to shine brighter because of what I thought about me. I went to my Creator for more…more Wisdom. more Confidence. more Love. Purpose. Affirming. Forgiveness. more Positivity. more of His Power.

My light has returned…and it’s here to stay. 

 

Happy New Year!!!

Happy Happy New Year!!! 

Starting a new year brings so many possibilities…and with those possibilties come planning, goal setting and change. More than anything, I’m excited about being Better this year. As a matter of fact, one of my key phrases for 2016, is Level Up.

For me this year is about Leveling Up in every area of my life…marriage, motherhood, my purpose, health, being a home manager, organization, my blog  and business, finances…Level Up!!! 

So cheers to 2016 and all of us being our best, most productive selves!!!

Happy New Year!!!! 

 

The Process and the Promise…

Can I be completely honest????

We were supposed to close on our home last week…and we didn’t. So we are a week behind.

There is stuff everywhere! To pack up a family of six is no easy task. There are boxes everywhere. Add to it that we ordered two sets of bunk beds and matresses that were supposed to be delivered to the new house but are now here…and we have borderline chaos not to mention towers of boxes that seem to be causing the rooms to close in on me…

Even in all of this I have a choice. I can choose to focus on the process or the promise. The process is the delayed closing date and the disarray that temporarily surrounds me. The promise is that our family will be moving into our new home and creating beautiful memories for years to come…I choose the promise.

The moral of all of this: Dont allow your process to deter you from your promise…keep the vision of what will be before you at all times.

Love Compels…💞

Love is one the strongest emotions one can have.
It can be the one thing that drives you, causes you ACT and not just feel.
Love…Compels. Leads. Creates.
Love turns empathy into action and a conversation into a plan.
Love picks up where words left off.
Love creates an opportunity where there was once only a problem.
Love transforms a negative into a positive.
Love changes. Love forgives. Love accepts and moves on without being disrespectful.
What is LOve compelling you to do??

SHE…

She woke up one morning and finally realized that she could do all that she feared she couldn’t before…
Every dream that seemed so far away now looked as if it was now within her reach…
All the things that she secretly desired no longer felt as if they were meant for someone else…
She finally realized that all that she ever needed was within her and that she was the only one who could give her life meaning.
She realized it.
She did the work.
She lived the life she always dreamed about…

The Younger Me…

For the past six months or so, I’ve been volunteering at a local ministry w/their teen and young moms. Every Tuesday I get to go have dinner and interact with some of the most amazing young women.
Every week I come home so grateful that God chose me…
Literally I feel as if I’m able to love on my “younger self”.
The younger me who was so insecure and broken that I thought shutting out the world was the best thing to do…
The me that just wanted to be in a relationship where I knew that I was cared about, even in the simplest of ways…
The me that was so self-absorbed that I thought material things would show people that I was worthy of being deemed significant…
The me that thought that if I drank enough and partied enough, I could get the images of family members looking at me as if I was nothing, because I was my mother’s child, out of my mental bank…
The me that opted out of motherhood early on b/c I feared that I had nothing to give to a child…
Every week these things come into play. Every week I get to hug someone, talk to someone, love on someone’s baby in hopes that the “younger me” that I identify w/in them, can somehow know that eventually you’ll realize that you’re worth more than rubies…Xo