Category: motherhood

What Will It Look Like?

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If I’m being completely honest, it’s on 10:15am and I’m ready to call it quits for the day. I’m a my wits end. I’m tired. I’m irritated. I’m embarrassed. I’ve ugly cried.

I’m the mother of a 5 year old child who has ADHD, possibly ODD, and sensory issues.

We brought our son home at 3 weeks old. As fast as it seems, the days are longer than I could ever imagine. I don’t wake up to a quiet house or the smell of coffee brewing. I’m usually met with chaos, yelling and some type of disarray. There is rarely a moment of peace. It’s usually a fight with a sibling, a mess that needs to be cleaned or yelling bc he didn’t get his way.

Yall it’s hard. It’s draining. It’s exhausting.

Just today we went to our usually weekly event and he ran through the parking lot. When I finally caught him and got him in the building, he ran out again. I dragged him back inside to where he ran under a table…finally, I called it quits and just scooped him under one arm, grabbed my younger son by the hand and left. It was too much. Chaos makes me anxious and I feel like everything is unraveling. And on top of all that, I feel horrible that my youngest missed out on being involved in something that he loves. But I guess right now, this is what my life looks like.

And If I’m letting you see my heart, this sucks. I amd in the very midst of discomfort and everything that I hate. And I hate that I hate it… I hate that I am not just letting all of this roll of my back. I hate that I don’t feel gracious. I hate that even though I’m praying, seeking medical providers, creating routines and doing all that the books say that I should, our son is still not okay. I mean if I feel like this as the mother, I can’t imagine the unrest and chaos that’s swirling in his head, body and heart 24/7…

What will the future look like? What does advocating for and loving our son well look like? What does it look like to love our other 5 children well while navigating through his behavioral issues without neglecting their needs?

What will it all look like?

I can’t say. But what I can say is that I have to take this moment to regroup and redirect negative behaviors. For my own sanity, I can’t live in the “what if” mode.

I can’t say for sure what it will all look like but I can continue to put the blocks in place to build a steady and firm foundation. I’ll continue to learn and apply what I can while teaching him the tools to calm himself and self correct. I’ll continue to pray and have him speak good things over himself. We will continue to consult with his doctors and adjust when we need too. I’ll continue to start over minute by minute.

And I’ll continue to trust God that it will all look exactly as I should…

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Hold Space

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This one phrase has been on my mind and heart for the past few months.

So for me holding space goes way back. Way back to probably the beginning but for the sake of this post, lets go back to my teenage years. I lost my virginity, got pregnant and had an abortion all in my freshmen year in high school. While all of this was going on there really wasn’t a safe place for me. I didn’t have anyone to talk too. There was no one around to explain all of this ins and outs or even to process my grief, thoughts and feelings with. Please know that I didn’t expect there to be fanfare for a black, naive, pregnant teenager but I do look back and wish that someone would have held space for me…

What it means* How it happens in my everyday life* Why it’s important to me*

When I say hold space in no way am I saying that I wanted people to coddle me or agree with my misinformed and reckless behavior. But I think it would have been life changing to have a person there who could help me process all that I was going through, listen to my heart and also honestly explain sex–the feelings that come with it, consequences/joys of it and that it is not just a physical act; it’ truly giving your body and emotions to another person. Holding Space is having someone say ‘hey, you are not your mistakes. Take what you’ve learned from this and build upon it” ( my Aunt Virginia, who is my oldest child’s namesake, did tell me something to this effect before she died).

So fast forward almost thirty years and my hearts desire is to hold space. This is my hearts songs to be a space holder for people. Over the years, Ive either seen or experienced a little bit of everything. From three pregnancies (two ending in abortion, one in miscarriage and being told that I wouldnt be able to carry a baby full-term), abuse, trauma, absent father, instability, not emotionally connecting with anyone, watching siblings go in and out of prison, seeing/living with parents who had alcohol/drug addictions, to my sister (who shared our home with us) dying almost three years ago unexpectedly and the trauma and depression that followed from finding her unresponsive, doing CPR to only find out there was no brain activity and have to make the decision to take her off of life support…

Holding Space has become my life song. I get do it with my children when we have hard conversations. But also in everyday life by acknowledging their thoughts and opinions and giving them the space to feel their feelings, without judgement, and doing what we can to steer them in the right direction- all while helping them put useful tools in their toolbox of life. I also get to hold space for teen/young moms. I run a program, The Connect, just for them. To provide a space where the can just be…without judgement, with lots of love and care, a home cooked meal, all while giving them the tools and encouragement to become the best parents for their children.

So for me holding space is to listen without judgement. It is welcoming people with a meal, coffee, a Kentucky Mule and/or a soft sofa to relax on. Holding Space giving advice when it is needed and wanted, crying tears, hugging the stew out of you or even just praying silently as I hols someone’s hand. Holding Space is loving without trying to change a person…it can also be telling someone that it’s time for them to get their life, in love:)

I hope that you hold space…to love people where they are so that they feel safe and significant…even when life’s circumstances are screaming the exact opposite… I hope that you choose hold space.

First Teachers…

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Parenthood has so many twist and turns. Some days I am completely convinced that I am crushing it! My planner is up to date (including color coded events and a current to-do list that has checks by the majority of the items), the kids have had a hot breakfast before school, the house is clean, lines are in the freshly vacuumed carpet and it smells like either a tropical fruit or a warm sugar cookie, and I am dressed in appropriately cute mom attire and lip gloss is applied before 8am.  Then some days it’s the complete opposite. I get up late, the kids are scarfing down cereal, the house is a wreck and I may have picked up one of my youngest from school in my slippers… On those not so good days, it is so easy for me to criticize myself on how I should have gotten up earlier and if I only would have planned the night before, instead of falling asleep with my baby, I could have been deemed a success by the imaginary “mothering board” (these people exist solely in my head when I having not so good days, especially on the mommy front).

But one of the things that has stood out to me as of lately is that I am teaching my children, even if it isn’t intentional. As parents we have to set a standard for our children so that when they grow up and go away from home they have an example to refer back too.  Hopefully that example is a good one.

I want my children to always be able to recognize what real love is and does because of our home. I want them to know what a healthy relationship is because of our marriage. I want them to be able to take care of their home and be faithful to their families and careers because they have seen it from us first. I also want my babies to know how to live gracefully and be able to start again, with a clear mind and heart, when things go left.  All of it starts from home…Our Home…Their First School with us as Their First Teachers.

So today as you go about being a fabulous mama, think about what you are teaching your babies…on purpose and by example

Monday Motivation: Pray, Prepare…

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“If You Pray For It, Prepare For It”…this simple, eight word quote speaks volumes to me!!! I can remember when we were in the process of buying our home. We had been looking for months, put in three offers, praying and believing…but nothing seemed to be going our way. 

I can remember feeling down and out, tired of waiting. But eventually, I did the opposite of what my situation called for. I started packing up stuff, throwing out what we didn’t need, and keeping the house that we were in like it was the home we had been dreaming of. And in time, we found our home and the transition was smoother because of the preparation that took place throughout the process. 

Same thing goes for our goals, dreams and aspirations…prepare, get ready, for what you’re praying for. If it’s to be a speaker- study, perfect your gift. If it’s s new car-keep your current one washed, cleaned out and up to date on maintenance. If it’s to be wealthy- clean your credit up and stay up to date on bills. Sometimes it’s not so much about how much we are doing, it’s about being excellent and consistent in what we are doing. 

So friends and fellow mommies, let’s start, and finish out, this week by Being Prepared For The Blessing(s) That We’ve Been Praying For…

Balance…Is It Possible?!?

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Over the past week or so, I’ve been thinking alot about balance. 

Is there any such thing?

We have been pretty productive during this season. 

Marriage. 4.5 Children + 1 Bonus Baby (through foster care). Home Manager. Working Part-time. 

Honestly, there isnt a lot of me time. I love the idea of self-care but when the rubber hits the road, I have to make the best of our situation. While I would love to go get a pedicure and spend some time alone, honestly I have loads of laundry that need to be washed, dryed and folded so the best that I can do is listen to one of my favorite podcast and read a chapter in a book while I wait for my children at baseball practice.

I know it won’t always be like this but for right now I have to grab the moments when and where I can. So to all my mommy friends, take the little moments until the big ones are available. 

My Light🔥🔥🔥

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Being who I am hasn’t always come easy for me,

I used to be so focused on the opinions of others that I couldn’t recognize that I was made in the image of perfection.

I was created by the Greatest Creator who creates without making any mistakes.

I couldn’t recognize the light that was glowing ever so dimly on the inside of me.

The Light that was once aglow became a tenth of what it used to be. Words and opinions of others caused my once bright light to become dim, diminished, unrecongnizable–I allowed others to fan my flame. To make it smaller, less than what it was created to be.

Then one day, everything clicked. It was time for me to re-light my flame…and I did. Day by day, my light began to shine brighter because of what I thought about me. I went to my Creator for more…more Wisdom. more Confidence. more Love. Purpose. Affirming. Forgiveness. more Positivity. more of His Power.

My light has returned…and it’s here to stay. 

 

Love Compels…💞

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Love is one the strongest emotions one can have.
It can be the one thing that drives you, causes you ACT and not just feel.
Love…Compels. Leads. Creates.
Love turns empathy into action and a conversation into a plan.
Love picks up where words left off.
Love creates an opportunity where there was once only a problem.
Love transforms a negative into a positive.
Love changes. Love forgives. Love accepts and moves on without being disrespectful.
What is LOve compelling you to do??

The Younger Me…

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For the past six months or so, I’ve been volunteering at a local ministry w/their teen and young moms. Every Tuesday I get to go have dinner and interact with some of the most amazing young women.
Every week I come home so grateful that God chose me…
Literally I feel as if I’m able to love on my “younger self”.
The younger me who was so insecure and broken that I thought shutting out the world was the best thing to do…
The me that just wanted to be in a relationship where I knew that I was cared about, even in the simplest of ways…
The me that was so self-absorbed that I thought material things would show people that I was worthy of being deemed significant…
The me that thought that if I drank enough and partied enough, I could get the images of family members looking at me as if I was nothing, because I was my mother’s child, out of my mental bank…
The me that opted out of motherhood early on b/c I feared that I had nothing to give to a child…
Every week these things come into play. Every week I get to hug someone, talk to someone, love on someone’s baby in hopes that the “younger me” that I identify w/in them, can somehow know that eventually you’ll realize that you’re worth more than rubies…Xo

A Better Tomorrow…

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I wish I could say that I have perfectly behaved children at all times but I can’t. Our son had the worst attitude because he couldn’t go to football practice due to the rain and while volunteering today his twin sister decided that she was going to stand in her self-made puddle…of pee.
And our youngest barely reaches my kneecap but can throw a tantrum that most kids could only dream of…
But instead of me sulking and mentally calling myself the worst mother ever, I’m choosing to not freak out.
I’m choosing to smile and be pleasant when I really want to yell and flee from my home.
I’m choosing to clean up the messes, wash the clothes, hand out the consequences, give the speeches…and continue to believe that I’m a good mom and because God gave me these children, he’ll give me the grace to handle the everyday things that come up with love and compassion.
So, cheers to a better tomorrow! Xo
☕️👍💖😀

Time to Tighten Up…

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For the past few days I have felt a little disconnected…nothing major just that inkling in the pit of my stomach that I need to tighten up on some things.
So, instead of me getting down and beating myself up, I am going to take the time tonight to pray, make out my schedule, write, re-write my personal affirmations and get back to my place of growth and personal development 🙂
What do you do when you feel the need to “tighten up”??? Xo